Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
