TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
