k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
