Dual....:-)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
