sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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