a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
