i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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