i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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