ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
