I want to stick my p in your. b.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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