Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did I show you my penis last night?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everyone says I win the strip club
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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