i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
