I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
