I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's like heaven, but drunker
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
