I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
