So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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