i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize