is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
