Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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