i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
