If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
