sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
