new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
