you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
