I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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