I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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