Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
