Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
