How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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