i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
