The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize