Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
