I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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