I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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