I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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