Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm passing your future prison.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
