fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
