there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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