So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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