I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
