The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
