Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
