i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
