UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
