i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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