I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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