FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
