The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize