she looked like the before picture.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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