saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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