Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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