I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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