: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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