Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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