Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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