The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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