You made me cry and you don't even care
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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