can we get nightvision for the apartment?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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