I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
