Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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