I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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