Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
