i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
