I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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