just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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