He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
