Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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