The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
