Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
