Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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