your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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