you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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