I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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