so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
