Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
