i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
